The three trials of the Ego - I Fear
Updated: Jan 5
So, you made your first steps into sorcery, contacted some discarnate beings, and performed cool rituals from those grimoires you bought online.
The objects of your desire manifest in your reality and become available, strange occurrences and synchronicities happen when you least expect them.
Opportunities to advance your mundane affairs and small trials of character are coming your way.
Your mood and self-confidence got a little boost, but it’s kind of confusing, almost too easy to believe.
Congratulations, your first trial started. Can you embrace fear?
Your mind is clouded and lacks focus and discipline. It is full of ideas that are not yours; your perception of reality is limited to the filters which keep the herd ignorant and obedient.
You want an explanation, need an answer, something to hold on to that would make sense of it all.
You throw yourself by the feet of Lucifer, Lilith, Satan, and the others.
After all, those benefits had to come from divine grace.
You are nothing more than an ignorant monotheistic, brainwashed cattle.
You worship them as if they are Jesus, a Meri, or Jehova, giving them your blood and semen, lighting incense for their status on the altar, and make prayers in their names.
But Lucifer is not your savior, Lilith is not your mother, Satan doesn’t need or want your feeble soul. It is about something else altogether.
They open the door because you are willing. All those gifts from the nightside are to encourage, entice, and support you to become more than the cattle you are.
But you are, and there is fear, deep and horrible fear.
It isn’t the night you are afraid of, nor is it punishment, visions of horrors, or anything else your mind may throw at you.
You are afraid of the unknown, the uncertainty of it all.
It is just like moving abroad for the first time, quitting your job when the market is low, losing all your belongings while touring a foreign country.
But it’s worse, much worse as this fear of the unknown doesn’t stop with settling into the new home, finding a new job, or getting your shit back together.
It goes on and on, triggering something in you, a psychological protection mechanism.
Your first trial is not to deny fear.
Can you be brutally honest? Can you accept uncertainty as a fundamental principle of reality? Can you embrace fear?
After a while, you got the motion of doing your rituals and practice, went through some turmoil, and settled back into a new life routine.
Then it happens.
Your Ego is creeping its way back into your mind attempting to take back the helm.
Were threats and stories of nightly horrors failed to deter you from the path, vanity and fake humility will stop you from evolving any further.
Those powerful experiences in the temple are all but a glimpse into a reality of forces far beyond your scope to comprehend.
The banality of getting what you want through rituals and demonic pacts is a weapon the ego uses to inflate your mind.
For a long time, you will be flirting with the idea that those forces exist outside of your psyche.
Eventually, you will swing between telling yourself in full vanity that it is the power of your mind, a divine right you have as a human to hold power and command demons, and the fake humility when facing those forces in the temple that you are their servant.
Only brutal honesty will make you realize the limited capacity of your imagination and your limited ability to manifest such things as you desire by yourself.
It is not your blood, seamen, soul, or incense that they are after it is your totality.
Your ego will claim that it is all you, fearing the bigger truth of being faced with forces beyond your comprehension, you will adopt the ‘its all in my mind,’ or is it just your subconscious doing?
In all three cases, you became so convinced of your superiority over others while the reality is that you live in fear, it has gotten over you, and the Ego is in control now.
Make fear yours, indulge in it, acknowledge it as a necessary sensation, strip it from any meaning, share it with the spirits, howl into the night and let them know you have no shame about it.
Embrace your fear with brutal honesty.
Reclaim it and deplete the Ego from its source of power to release your mind.